


simon saunders was not gay

by randomascas



Category: Rise (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 16:03:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14452815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomascas/pseuds/randomascas
Summary: in which simon’s in denial and sad and jeremy doesn’t know what to do.





	simon saunders was not gay

simon saunders was not gay.   
he knew himself. he had a crush on lilette when he was little, right? that first day of kindergarten, it had to be why he’d talk to her. not because of her wicked awesome light up sneakers. no sir.   
and there was annabelle. she was cute. and she liked him. and he liked her, totally. it wasn’t what his parents said about her, how they thought she was good for him. that didn’t make him interested.   
only, everything with her felt so forced. like he was acting on a stage where downstage never ended. and everything was going downstage, and off the edge, so fast.   
but he couldn’t think of his other option. every time he tried, every time it flickered through his mind, all he could see was his father’s face. hear the word “gay” thrown around like a goddamn swear. feel the hatred oozing out of his parents’ pores.   
because simon saunders was not gay.   
but jeremy... god, jeremy. the way his hair fell on his forehead and how he pronounced “o” just a little bit longer and the way he looked at him.   
how his lips felt when they kissed.   
how his hand felt in his.   
how his voice mingled with his like they were made for each other.   
simon never got that with annabelle. he didn’t feel sparks or heat or happiness or harmony. he felt desperation and falsity and emptiness. and it was tearing him apart.   
but simon saunders was not gay.   
“simon?”   
he didn’t mean to leave practice. really, he didn’t. but he just couldn’t stay. not with what was happening. not if he had to keep singing with jeremy and holding hands with jeremy and pretending to love jeremy because sometimes, sometimes it felt too real.   
“what do you want?” simon sounded like his father and he instantly hated himself.   
especially after jeremy stopped short, leaving space between them. simon wished, deep down, that he hadn’t. “is this about the parking lot?”   
the parking lot. could they just go back to before that, when things were easy? “i... i really don’t know, honestly.”   
“we can be friends, simon. you know that. but, i just... you wanted that kiss as much as me, i think.”   
god, he did. he wasn’t supposed to. because simon saunders was not gay. that’s what he told everyone.   
“jeremy, i...” he sighed. normally, he’d bottle up his emotions, but he couldn’t stop them from flowing out this time. “ever since we started this show, i’ve have these feelings, and i feel like, if i except them, it would blow up my family.” he was crying at this point. “and they’re my family, you know?”   
jeremy took his hand. it wasn’t some grand gesture, but it felt like it. his hand was really warm. and it felt heavier than annabelle’s ever did. more permanent. more real.   
“simon, listen,” god, his voice was so perfect. “if they love you, they’ll be okay with it.”   
“they won’t be, though.”   
“then they don’t love you, not really. they love their idea, their standard of you.”   
he was right. but it hurt to admit and it hurt to think about. so simon just squeezed jeremy’s hand oh so tightly.   
“you can’t tell anyone. not even michael.”   
“i wouldn’t think on it.”   
simon saunders was not gay. but, wow, jeremy travers was great at hand holding.   
simon saunders was not gay. except, as he was quickly realizing, he kind of was.

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhh thanks for reading! sorry this was so bad. it’s my first time writing something on here so uh it’s an experience. if you want more rise related content you can find me @/wizardwomenwisdom on tumblr. thanks!


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